Have you ever felt sorry for yourself?

If your answer is yes, then welcome to a very big club.

The really nice thing about self-pity is if you can't get others to feel sorry for you, you can always feel sorry for yourself. The problem is when you throw a pity party, you are the only invited guest.

Then you have a choice: Wallow in the mess or get out.

To wallow or not to wallow

Wallowing in self-pity is easy. Just look around at all the bad things that have happened to you; compare yourself to a few other people you believe are doing better; and there you are, deep in wallow.

When you're caught in self-pity, you lose perspective. As author Richard Bach has written, "Perspective: Use it or lose it."

How to get out of wallow

To powerfully shift your perspective, look around you. Even in the midst of whatever triggered the self pity, for what can you be grateful? What do you have in your life that you are taking for granted but that others would just love to have?

One way out of self-pity is to use your perspective and then do something with the abundance in front of you.

Get up and get moving. Put one foot in front of the other, Then do it again. Keep doing this, and you will build a momentum that leaves no room for self-pity.

Jeff Herring

Jeff is a marriage and family therapist, singles and relationship coach, mentor coach, speaker, syndicated relationship columnist and author.

Jeff has a full time private practice in Tallahassee in which he specializes in couples, teen and parent counseling. He also is a relationship coach specializing in working with couples and singles. Some of his professional activities include:

==> Internationally syndicated relationship columnist through Knight-Ridder/Tribune Media Services, with a weekly readership of over 10 million worldwide

==> Sought after speaker for organizations, associations, churches, and corporations

==>Twice weekly appearances on The Steve and Sara Show on Magic 107.1

==> Author of "Keep the Changes: 52 Tools for Successful Living" a collection of his best columns, as well as several e-books including "How to Create a Passionate and Loving Relationship.........Forever," "How to Beat the BOZOs: Dealing with difficult people without becoming one," and "Tame Your Teen: THE survival guide for parenting your teenager.

==> Founder and CEO of TheArticleGuy.com

==> Founder and CEO of SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

==> Founder and CEO of ParentingYourTeeanger.com

==> Founder and CEO of ToolsforSuccessfulLiving.com

==> President of BuildingYourIdealPractice.com

==> President of ConsciousDatingTallahassee.com